How many times

I’ve felt ecstasy as high as the lowest despair
Seen heaven seen hell
Shaken about like God is swinging a hurricane with his bare hands

Where’s the middle where’s the constant?
Am I destined to fall as fast as I rise?
Why was this time such a surprise?

Is it the universe picking me up so it can smack me back down?
I know how the world loves to watch a rise and fall and mine are next level
I hope you’re entertained

What is it you want?
What lesson am I not learning?
They say insanity is doing the same thing again and again expecting different results
Each time I get higher and the lows get less
Am I supposed to learn to just not give a ****?
Give into the mania and psychosis?
Find a wave I can ride and ride it to hell then ride it back to heaven?
I’ve done both

Is the third time a charm?
Or is this just some cruel game then we die?
I’ve seen the signs and followed them off the edge
Ran and ran until there’s nothing left
Smack back to square one so many times I’ve lost count

I respect the universe but how many different ways can you be pulled without snapping? I’m only human
I’ve been the beauty and the beast
I’ve seen how the universe treats both
But still every time I’m slammed back

Seeing the world and through people’s **** and the rare beauty where others don’t is as lonely as it can be euphoric
I’ve been kissed by angels who can’t handle their own strength
I’ve felt them seen them and raised them using lessons I’ve learn through my own pain I’ve felt the world fall apart in my hands and visioned the next level
I think I’ve maybe even seen the devil
With his tricks and offers of glory
Was this all just a psychosis trick or part of my story?

You know I can focus so clear I’m dipping no slipping saving lives taking the prize
Seeing everything and no one can touch me
Show me the look in the eyes of people like me
Show me belonging for the first time
So why then smack me back down?
Is there something more or am I just a ****?
A plaything you build up to just **** over?
Promise everything then throw me off the side Tiberius falls

If it’s all about faith then calm my mind
Dull the fear of what I might find
Help me handle myself so I can help others
Help me nurture that side and save my brothers
Why am I an anomaly when other people preach and god and angels?
I’ve seen them but now I’m just crazy.